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  • Welcome! I’m Kaneisha Grayson,
    and I’m thrilled you’re here.
    I’m a recently published author,
    experienced essayist,
    and workshop leader
    here to help, guide, and inspire.

  • After getting my MBA & MPA at Harvard,
    I created a multipassionate business
    where I use my expertise in
    writing, editing & admissions
    to fund the early years
    of my career as an author and speaker.

  • For the last 3 years, I’ve helped people
    get into top MBA, MPP & MPA programs.
    I am now accepting editing clients
    for any & all purposes.
    If there is an essay involved,
    I can help you out.

  • My first book, Be Your Own Boyfriend,
    is a happiness and self-love manifesta.
    Be Your Own Boyfriend isn’t just a book.
    It’s a global movement.

The Latest from the Love & Achievement Blog

I change my mind often, and I usually feel bad about it. I hate to look flakey, unreliable, unstable, all over the place, flighty. And many times, I do look like all of those things. However, I’ve recently begun to be more compassionate with myself and much more okay with the idea that I change my mind. I realize that changing my mind is also a sign that I am willing to listen to my inner voice.

Seven months ago, my friend passed away and in a rush of emotion, I decided I was moving to France. Then when it came to renew my lease on my apartment here in Austin, I realized I really just wanted to stay right where I am. It may sound trivial, but I wanted to buy a huge leaning mirror for my apartment, the kind of furniture that is totally a pain to move. I wanted to partner with local businesses and plan events to promote my book among Austin’s twentysomethings. I wanted to make Austin my home, not just another stop along the way. Yes, I would love to spend time in France someday, but I finally admitted to myself that it wasn’t this year.

After releasing my book earlier this year, I was exhausted. I decided that planning and throwing a launch party would be too expensive and too much work. However, after a few months of having a real live book on the market, I admitted I really wanted to celebrate this momentous accomplishment. I’d set out to write a book three years ago, and it’s finally here! Instead of deciding not to throw a party at all, I reached out to my mom and friends for help. Now we have a date, a venue, and a very nice flyer that I made myself (thank you very much!). Over the next few weeks, I’ll be reaching out to local businesses here in Austin to try and get snacks, drinks, chairs, and a tent for the event. It’s no small task, but it’s nothing compared to writing an entire book (not to mention that Kickstarter campaign!). I’m so glad I changed my mind and decided to have a launch party for the book. You only write a first book once, after all. If you live in Austin, please join me for the celebration!

The most recent thing I’ve changed my mind about is that I no longer have the desire to leave admissions consulting. In fact, I’m excited to grow and expand this part of my business, to “lean in” you might say. Nearly a year ago, after reading Steven Pressfield’s excellent book Do The Work, I got convinced that admissions consulting was my “shadow career,” the job that feels like what you’re really supposed to be doing but actually distracts you from your art. Then, as I wrapped up the 2012-2013 season, I realized I didn’t want it to be my last. Sure, there are some changes I definitely want to make. I worked like a crazy woman in the last quarter of 2012, and I definitely don’t want to be that overworked again. But I’ve recently been infused with a new enthusiasm and appreciation for my skills as an admissions consultant. I’m realizing just how big a part of my life it is, and I’m grateful for it.

My revelation and newfound passion for admissions was the culmination of many seeds that were planted throughout the year. However, the big bang occurred just two weeks ago when I had a coaching session with my friend Shenee, who edited some of the copy on my website. For the first time ever, I was the client having something I’d done my best on edited. After seeing how she transformed my work from good to great, I was struck with the thought: This is what I do for my clients. I had always known that I was talented as an editor and a great guide for my clients, but it was hard for me to fully appreciate it, because in many ways, editing essays is very easy for me. However, I realized that admissions consulting is much more than just editing for me. It allows me to run my own business, to work from anywhere, to use the skills I learned in graduate school as I manage a team and limited resources. It allows me to help people achieve their goals, and it often gives me great fodder for writing my inspirational essays. I get to experiment with different marketing strategies and email my professors at Harvard for their advice on how to handle various issues. Now that I’ve mastered the editing part, I can use the business as a playground for my imagination to run wild (well, not too wild).

As a part of my realization that I want to continue with admissions consulting, I’m resurrecting the website for The Art of Applying. I’ve been working on the design, the pages, and planning out the blog posts. The admissions-focused newsletter, The Offerwill come back as well. Kaneisha.com will get cleaned up and serve as my author website. Kaneisha.com will be where I keep you all updated on what’s happening with the book, and where you can meet me in person and see me speak. I’ll continue to write and share personal essays like this one, though I’m unsure of the frequency. The big split will likely happen sometime this summer, depending on how quickly I can pull it all together—or rather, pull it all apart. I’m very pleased with the decision and looking forward to learning and growing as a writer and as an entrepreneur.

Change is often scary, but don’t let other people’s opinions keep you chained to decisions that are no longer right for you. We’re all constantly evolving, and it makes sense that our mind would change right along with our spirits.

Have you changed your mind about something lately? Tell me about it!

Love,
Kaneisha

 

Harvard Business School is exactly where I belonged in my mid-twenties because I was obsessed with analyzing and solving problems. The caveat is that Harvard encourages us to apply analytical rigor to leadership challenges and business decisions, and I was intrigued with analyzing life, love, and relationship issues. While I’m happy to have an MBA to help me analyze business issues, I have learned that many circumstances of my dating life are simply not worth analyzing in detail. In the past, nothing burned me up more than a guy not calling me after he specifically stated that he would.  Most of the time I would think of a series of convincing reasons he didn’t call, and eventually come to the conclusion that he was just not that into me.


I felt compelled to analyze exactly what went wrong, when things began to unravel, and what I could do differently next time. Once in awhile, performing a multilevel analysis of why a guy and I didn’t mesh gave me a temporary sense of control. But it never made me any happier. Your conjecturing about a guy’s undesirable behavior does not make him change. It wastes your time and mental energy, and even worse, saps your happiness and peace of mind.


Therefore, when you are dating a guy and he does something you do not appreciate or understand (particularly in the early stages of dating), just keep it moving. By “keep it moving,” I mean go about your life, doing whatever you were doing before you met Mr. Inconsistent. As hard as it is to clear your mind, try your best not to worry about why he suddenly seems to have lost interest. Do not bog yourself down with trying to figure out how to “set him straight.” As Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Love Bitches, says, “Men do not respond to words. They respond to no contact.”


If you really want a guy to understand that you are unhappy with his behavior, deny him your company and attention. By setting boundaries on how you allow others to treat you, you protect yourself and show guys that you aren’t so desperate that you’ll take whatever crumbs of attention he throws your way. It’s not about being difficult; it’s about having standards.


Keeping it moving is not a call to play games or be passive aggressive. It’s about taking a step back, relaxing, and focusing on doing what makes you happy. Otherwise, you’ll end up focusing on the cause and origin of something that is making you unhappy. If you really want Mr. Maybe Right to stop making last-minute plans with you, don’t go out with him when he tries to make these last-minute plans with you. If you want him to call you when he says he will, do not text him subtle reminders like, “Hope you’re having a great day!” (Guys see right through those “just saying hi” texts, by the way.) Just keep it moving, have your own great day, and if he calls, great. If not, you will not have wasted time and energy on obsessing over it. It’s all about subtly showing the man (or any person in your life for that matter) how you will allow yourself to be treated.

 

An important part of keeping it moving is to expect nothing.

 
By no means am I telling you to let people treat you badly. Simply put, you can’t put expectations on people who have not earned the title associated with such expectations. “Expect nothing” is a reminder to let relationships develop at a natural pace rather than trying to accelerate them to the “next level” by increasing your expectations.


For example, if a guy is not your boyfriend, do not expect him to perform boyfriend duties like buy you romantic gifts, help you move out of your apartment, or go grocery shopping with you. If he does these things, awesome! He is likely doing these things because he wants to be your boyfriend. However, if you don’t explicitly have that level of commitment from someone, yet you expect him to do these favors for you, you’ll most likely end up disappointed and frustrated, and he will most likely end up confused and distant.


Even if a man who is not yet your boyfriend is willing to do boyfriend activities with you, it’s often a good idea to engage in such activities in moderation and for a limited period of time (e.g., three months). I have gotten myself very mixed up in the head because I spent a lot of time doing “boyfriend” things with men who weren’t exclusively dating me or explicitly committed to me.


Each time I spent a lot of time doing boyfriend-girlfriend activities with a guy who wasn’t actually my boyfriend, I made him my boyfriend in my heart and mind, while in his mind, we were still casually dating, which included the option to date other people. This mismatch between your perceptions and reality is a recipe for disappointment that you can avoid if you—say it with me now!—expect nothing and keep it moving.


What will you do with your newfound you-time as you expect nothing and keep it moving?

 

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“There are only two roads that lead to something like human happiness. They are marked by the words: love and achievement.”
- Theodor Reik in A Psychologist Looks at Love

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